last week the palliative nurse came. She hadnt seen me for three months. She was impressed with how well I was looking. I was delighted. Then I saw dentist and he was struck by how good my gums were. delighted again! You know I have great care. Nat ‘s healing hands massaging and stretching out my muscles, jenny’s lovely cooking, ana ‘s sense of fun, laura ‘s breakfasts, and the amazing home carers who get me up showered and dressed on a daily basis. Without my team of outside helpers as in the theme tune for ‘scrubs’ goes ‘i cant do this all on my own, I’m no superman ‘. Same goes for me. [did I mention how much I enjoy scrubs? Get a daily dose on netflix! ]
of course I must mention the support I get from family and friends. I was telling jay recently how I feel carried by the thoughts and prayers of other people. Home life has improved dramatically too recently. Something has moved or shifted in me [hence shape shifting emma] recently that has me in a much better place thank god. I can feel a sense of deep peace and a sense of happiness unlike anything before. It must have something to do with listening to the wonderful and truely inspirational thich nhat hanh every morning. listening to his voice calms me his words inspire me. This buddhist monk from vietnam has played a major part in my spiritual life now for over a decade. His message is all about living mindfully in the present moment. This message is very helpful to me especially in my present state of health. I give thanks for each new morning that arises and try to spread it into every moment of every day. I love my husband and kids more than ever as I have the strength to look outside my own pain and feel compassion and love. I can see what an amazing job jay is doing as opposed to critisising his every move. I see him loading the dishwasher and washing machine of a Sunday! and getting kids ready for a party in clothes I wouldn’t have chosen. I have learnt that these small things don’t really matter in the greater picture. Stepping back and not allowing myself to get irritated by his actions has been hugely rewarding. Cant help thinking of that deeply wise phrase that my mum has been saying for years ‘let go and let god ‘
to finish another fabulous quote from cousin nickey
‘the truth will set you free. but first it will piss you off.”
I am not superstitious by nature, but when a robin flew into the back shed last week I wondered about it a lot. I had heard before that in Irish folklore when a robin flies into a house it can indicate death. When I was living and studying in Cork thirteen years ago I rented a room in a house on the beautifully named ‘Strawberry Hill’. One afternoon in early May a robin flew into our living room. I was struck by its prescence and felt a little scared by the flapping and struggle of the tiny red breasted creature. It found its own way out and I felt relieved. A few days later on May fifth my beloved dad passed away suddenly. It was completely unexpected. So when I saw it happening for the second time last week I was confused. The fact that it was the shed and not our home consoled me. My husband Jay works for an organisation called L’Arche who support adults with an intellectual disability. One of their residents,a friend of his, was very unwell recently with oesophageal cancer. She died last weekend. May she rest in peace.
I know I said I wasn’t superstitious but I am struck by this ‘little birdy’ telling me something!
‘Awake at dawn with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of loving ‘ Rumi.
confirmed lots of facebook requests this week. Reason being I plan to escape fb land. This is the plan ; every ‘friend’ will be able to access the link to my blog so there won’t be a need to post stuff on the most popular sociable site ever. You might think it’s important to keep in touch with others news. I do so on a regular basis without fb. Also the fact that I can’t access it on my eye gaze doesn’t help. So had info about three ex boyfriends this week. One sent songs he wrote and played, other just catching up and the third I found out through his girlfriend that he was physically violent with her and their seven year old boy. You can imagine how upset I was to hear this news. I knew he had anger issues but this is unacceptable. They separated a time ago so at least she got sense. I am still upset and horrified.
But on to a lighter note, was thinking about the much welcomed sun this September ironically when the kids went back to school. Kitty just started in junior infants and Ro went into second class. Those glorious sun filled afternoons were spent with kids playing chess on our door step and kitty exploring her flicker scooter. What fun we had with lovely ana pushing me around at full speed and chasing after the little pink topped and denim shorted body of my four year old daughter! a true treat to behold. Also to see Ro outside playing chess with his pals was so impressive. I didn’t even know he knew how to play! that ‘s all for this week folks, talk again soon.