Valentines and stuff

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Eighteenth February

Sorry about absence lately but it’s such a tedious process to post something here. As you know I write with my eyes then I send it to Jay to edit as I can’t do it on my eye gaze computer. He then sends it back to me and I send it to him to post, phew! Just earlier I spent an hour writing the first stage of blog and lost it! Many expletives later and a spontaneous visit from lovely friend with her daughter I was back on my horse again!

Went to Declan O’ Rourke gig on Valentines night and we all really enjoyed it. Me Jay, Lucy, Tomas and Ana joined in on this fabulous love fest! This time with my new wheelchair, I felt the luckiest in da haus!!! The most comfortable anyway. Unfortunately my gang had no seats and three hours later, all had legs of jelly. Declan is an amazing singer and a gorgeous person. Was interesting to hear stories about his background. A Dub like me and Jay but from much humbler beginnings in Ballyfermot (wonder if he was a neighbour to Joe Duffy?!) Anyroad, he has got something that Joe certainly doesn’t have and that’s sex appeal! Not particularly a good looking singer but he has a charisma that works. “Ok ok Tomas and Jay, the songs about the famine were totally unnecessary I agree, but I plan to make it known to him via email”. We had a good laugh about it anyway. I just can’t understand how such a bleak and depressing past can help our present recession state of mind, so thoroughly uninspiring. But we’ll let him off!. Got a gorgeous smile when leaving as Lucy was buying cd’s for me and her which he signed. Gone our rock chick days when we never paid into a gig nor got anything signed!

So we got a second hand van. A bright red one which I can be wheeled onto easily. This means even more freedom to roam. A few weeks ago Ana drove me and Lucy to Tesco’s which was a great adventure for me as I haven’t been food shopping in yonks! Being able to browse the isles and fill a basket of desired food was a joy (avoided horse meat lasagne though!)
Had a tough ol’ few days last week. Had bladder trouble so doc prescribed antibiotics which worked well. Also I was advised to wean myself off medication for ‘secretions’ medical term for dribbles which I did gladly as the taste is the most vile ever. But I just found out recently these little buggers have mood enhancing qualities. So coming off them was like going through the worst nightmare ever. With half the usual dose, I became a werewolf incarnate. Jaysus tonight! I couldn’t cope. Poor hubby got the brunt as I growled at him and my mum when they tried to help. Amazing how the levels of pure intolerance and frustration got completely out of hand. Despite this we still managed to bring kids to the cinema, Tinkerbelle was a sparkled filled escape.

Sunday we celebrated twelve years of married life. Still I couldn’t stop the tears. One of my lovely sister’s in law and her partner were scheduled for a short visit. Was I able to see anyone in my cold turkey state, I asked myself. Something inside said don’t cancel and I trusted it. I explained the situation to my guests and they completely understood. They showered me with freshly picked flowers and brought homemade honey which the kids especially love. I had really wanted to show them how well I am doing but I suppose it’s not always possible. We had arranged a blessing from a priest friend for later and had invited one of Jay’s lovely sisters and her great husband. In tears again, I said ‘I can’t pretend ‘ so I didn’t . We went on to have the most beautiful afternoon, blessing and champagne filled, kids too, love full and of course, belly laughs galore.

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12 responses »

  1. Ahhhh….. The most beautiful piece of writing I have ever read…….. ever…. oxoox

    Its like a kiss and a hug and a twirl around.

    I’m on mad medicine too as I have lost part of my hearing for a little while. Will write you my story later regarding the mad medicine and the crazy dream I had last night. Will make you laugh but terrified me.! Have music for you will give it to your lovely helper this week.
    Talk soon Cal x

  2. Great blogs, Emma! How you managed to brave those temperatures yesterday I will never know…and in the wheelchair it must be even colder!
    There is great energy and truth in your writing. It is a pleasure to read. Hadn’t realised how complicated the process was. we are gearing up for a big weekend of birthday parties. The plan is tomorrow to take the hop on hop off tour of Dublin.
    talk soon. love and a big hug from us.
    barre

  3. Em, if it’s any consolation I’m like a werewolf a lot of the time with my two poor men and I have nothing to blame but hormones and general crankiness in my old age! Such a wonderfully written piece, it really illuminates what life is like for you and the frustrations you endure. It takes a huge leap of trust, a letting go of ego, etc to allow people to help and I am sure there are days, like everyone, when you just want to be left alone, or whatever. So don’t feel guilty about that!
    As for your guests, you gave them the greatest honour of all which was to trust them enough to show how you were really feeling, and to just be who you happened to be that day. Cos we all have downer days, Em and it takes a lot of energy to put on a smiling face when we don’t feel like it. Sometimes as a strategy for coping, it works – but sometimes it just doesn’t. It’s good that you trusted your feelings and went with it – and no harm done, in fact probably a way better vibe than if you’d sat there seething & pretending which would’ve caused its own stresses for everyone. As I tell Ross when he needs to parp: better out than in, kiddo! And sometimes that goes for our emotions too.

  4. Darling Cousin,
    What an incredible post! Your writing is so fluent, so flowing, so expressive.. that as a reader I am not conscious of the labour required for each letter of every word. I am so engaged in your descriptions and emotions and all the latest news! I adore hearing your voice through the blogs!
    When I think about you writing via the eye gaze I am so blown away, literally amazed at your brilliance!
    Was really smiling as I read about the Declan O’Rourke gig 🙂
    I was especially touched reading about your anniversary..the honesty of your writing makes it so pure and beautiful. Thank you Emma for writing your extraordinary blog!
    Love always,
    Nick oxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxxo

  5. p.s.
    I’m not very fond of the word “blog”..it’s not very poetic.. you know what I mean? But I must keep up with the times. xoxoxo

  6. Hi cousin, as everyone says, it is so good to read your blog and hear your voice, I was pleased to see another post, but know I am late! It was great to see you just a couple of weeks ago and if it’s any consolation, I thought that you looked gorgeous and so well! You looked so bright and cheery in your gorgeous pink cardigan, both Jess and I really thought that you looked like you were doing well. The challenges that you face everyday you manage with such grace even though you must be feeling such frustration.

    I was so pleased to read that you had had a wonderful anniversary celebration. You and Jonnie are such a beautiful and loving couple; I know that I was talking to you about my memories of your wedding when I was there, and how Jonnie’s wedding speech really left a lasting impression on me! Maybe I hadn’t heard such an open expression of love before! I am so pleased that you had a wonderful day celebrating that love all over again.

    Being educated by you through your blog as I am, I found a quote by one of your favourite teachers and thought I would share – you probably already know this as I feel that this is the way you live anyway, but I hope this is the way you felt on Sunday.

    ‘Breathing in, I calm my body. Breathing out, I smile. Dwelling in the present moment I know this is a wonderful moment.’ Thich Nhat Hanh

    Thanks teacher! Lots of love, Rach XXXXXX

  7. hi shapeshifter that valentines blog was excellent the way you see things really shows in your grammer and choice of words what I mean is it was a pleasure to read regardless of the content but even more so because of it.

  8. Hi Emma,
    Reading your blog I hear your voice in every word, you are so amazing! I love your quotes too! Still have so many good memories of our visit last year, I’m sure the children have grown so much.
    With love,
    Fiona xoxo

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